Playing Hard To Get

These days I spend a fair bit of time walking our dog Farley.  He’s a Golden Doodle, being part Golden Retriever (friendly, happy, wanting to please) and part Standard Poodle (precocious, moody, way too smart and …selfish).  The walks are usually half an hour or more and we have our favorite spots here in Squamish.  We’re at the waterfront a fair bit but also love the quiet cover of the forest trails or open fields.

Farley always finds a stick part way through the walk, then he often follows quietly in my footsteps, stick in mouth, hoping we can begin the game of 'fetch stick'.  He loves the game almost as much as his dinner. Sometimes he has to swim out for it, other times he bounds over tall grass or weaves through trees in the forest to get his prize.  Some days he finds huge sticks that I can hardly throw so the game doesn’t last long.

So, the odd thing is that when he’s following me and I stop to get the stick and throw it, he runs off the trail, away from me, with the stick!  If I try to approach him, he scampers away.  He might chew on the stick, or roll on it, but he won’t give it to me, much as I ask or command that he bring it to me.  I say, “Whatever Farley,” and continue walking. 

I don’t get it.  I guess he sees it as a game, but he really does want me to throw the stick; nevertheless, we have to go through this silly ritual of ‘come catch me’ Farley and exasperated Peter.  Frankly, if I was a smarter dog owner, I’d have patiently trained Farley out of this behavior and he’d be dropping the stick at my feet, even in the midst of a gale.

When Farley finally decides to bring the stick, I throw it and he retrieves, like any responsible retriever.  He’ll even drop it at my feet!  He is never happier to finally be doing what he loves best.

Playing hard to get

Far as I can tell, we humans want nothing more than intimacy with another human.  To be understood, significant and close is the most basic need we have.  It’s called attachment. If we have that, then we head out into the storm, and overcome adversity and realize our dreams.   But it starts with intimacy and connection. 

So, why do we play hard to get all the time?  Why do we mess around with all sorts of distracted behavior, feeling out of sorts and wondering what’s wrong? There’s an epidemic of lonely, anxious, even depressed people in this country.

What we’re actually wanting is to love somebody and feel loved.  Sometimes, when I’m pursued by the people closest to me, I scamper off the trail, push away, and play hard to get.